Zai and Ray: The Kidnapping
by Ray by Another Name
Summary: Shikamaru and friends try to kidnap Zai and Ray, third in the reposting of the Zai and Ray fics. Rated T for character death non-descriptive and swearing. Shika-kun's POV!


Shikamaru and friends try to kidnap Zai and Ray, third in the reposting of the Zai and Ray fics. Rated T for character death (non-descriptive) and swearing. Shika-kun's POV!!!

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I snuck into the house, well…headquarters…of what Tsunade had come to call, "The Evil Ones." I had just finished debriefing the team on the girls inside, Zai Zimling and Ray Rinaldi. They were writers in an alternate reality, they wrote about us. They particularly wrote about characters such as Sasuke, Sai, and Neji… I shuttered at what I read… Ray scared me…she wrote about me a lot.

"Shikamaru?" Neji spoke from behind me.

"What?" I whispered back, walking sleuthly towards the door to my right. I was hoping it would be Zai's room, we had been sent here to capture her.

"What is this girl suppose to look like?" he asked me, the other members of our team nodding at this question. Troublesome…

"Unknown…" I told them, not really caring too much. If we couldn't figure out which girl was Zai, we were suppose to bring them both. I opened the door quietly, shuttering as I realized that there was no paint on the walls, or at least it wasn't visible through the throngs of posters. I recognized several of myself, Kiba, and Neji. Lee looked slightly sad when he realized there was none of him; I shook my head at him. Really, why did it matter? There were actually more posters of guys I didn't even know, than of people from our village. Stepping into the room, we all became painfully aware that the person who inhabited this room needed therapy. Desperately…

"Is that a –"

"Statue of me…" I interrupted Kiba, everyone seemed to be having the same reaction. The room was…interesting to say the least. The statue of me in the corner with a chibi version of me in hand was definitely not the creepiest, in fact I'd have to say that the headboard carved to look like me didn't even win that award. The pillows all around the room, and the couch and chairs, all of which shaped like various 'anime' people might take second, but the closet…the one that looked like a worshipping shrine to me definitely took the cake. Although I did like the giant dartboard with various evil people on it. I smirked at the chibi dolls of Sasuke and Sai with needles and flame wounds sitting on the shelf by the bed. I also noticed another doll that could have been Orochimaru had it not been for the stab marks that made it unrecognizable…

"Lee…did you happen to notice that neither of us are represent in the fangirlishness of this room?" Naruto asked the boy next to him. The rest of us rolled our eyes as Lee went on a whispered rant about how unyouthful the occupant was for doing that. I stepped over to the bed and realized there was a girl in it, a very…strange girl, but a girl none the less. She had black hair with purple streaks in it, and wore pajamas with chibis of a blond boy in blue uniform (Wolfram from Kyou Kara Maou). Her figure somewhat reminded me of Ino's but her skin was near white, unlike anyone I'd ever met…

"Is she Zai?" Kiba asked, probably freaked by the Kiba doll she was snuggling up to…

"I don't know, let's tie her up just in case though, from what I've heard, neither of them would be too happy about what we are about to do…" I instructed them. The second we tried to tie her up though…

"Holy...Mother of...Fanfiction!! It's Shika!!!" the girl squealed, launching herself at me. I tried to dodge her, but within two minutes everyone on the team, including me, was tied to the statue of me, which was moved to the center of the room somehow.

"Ray…what's with the squealing? Did you find an M fic between Shikamaru and Wolfram or something?" another girl said, yawning as she entered the room. Her eyes went wide eyed when she saw us.

"I wish! But look who I did find trying to kidnap us," the crazy girl, Ray apparently, told her excitedly. The other girl, who I assume was Zai, was shorter with much more tanned skin, she sort of reminded me of Sakura; her hair was styled similarly except it was orange. Immediately I liked her better because she shook her head at Ray. Then she looked up at us with a creepy smile on her face. I mean creepy, like the Gaara pajamas she was wearing kind of creepy!

"Should we take pictures before AND after we prank them or just after?" Zai asked Ray, okay…scratch that last thought about her…she was at LEAST as creepy as Ray!

"I think both. But first…" Ray trailed off before whispering something in Zai's ear that made Zai gag. I heard words like 'strip' and 'whip cream.' Yup…Ray needs therapy…BIG time. "Oh, do you want to take Naruto and Lee? I certainly don't want them."

"Hey! What's wrong with me?" Naruto yelled as he asked the question, aimed at Ray. All of us gave him a quizzical look, does it matter which creepy girl 'gets us?'

"I'll take Naruto, but I don't want Lee. Can I have Kiba or Neji?" Zai bargained with Ray.

"Hell no! I want Kiba and Neji!" Ray argued.

"But you have Shikamaru! And I don't want Lee!" Zai argued back.

"I don't want Lee either! I do want Neji and Kiba though," Ray informed her, "Besides I AM the one that caught them." Lee was crying next to me, my god, he should feel lucky damn it!

"Alright, how about you keep Kiba and Shikamaru and I'll take Naruto and Neji. Then in a little bit we'll trade Neji and Kiba," Zai haggled, Ray seemed to like this idea.

"Deal, and Lee can just go in the Tamaki Robot Closet!" Ray squealed excitedly as she started dragging Lee out into the hallway.

"We shall mourn you with laughter Lee," Zai told him, a huge smirk on her face as he started bawling...with laughter

"Uh…don't you want to know why we're here?" Kiba tried as Ray came back.

"We don't really care, but shoot," Zai answered as Ray started dragging out different cameras from her 'special' closet.

"We're here to take Zai back to out dimension so she can marry –"

"No one!" I interrupted Kiba, if Zai found out our plan she would kill us!

"Whoa! Wait just a second!" Zai started but Ray interrupted her.

"Your dimension! Zai we can't pass this opportunity up!" Ray tried to sway her friend.

"They mentioned marriage! I ain't marrying anyone thank you!" Zai yelled.

"Firstly, it's aren't. Secondly, you can always just kill them before they make you marry the guy…" Ray reasoned.

"True…I'll go pack," Zai told us on her way, "RAY! Don't forget to pack the weapons!"

"I won't!" Ray said as she began grabbing stuff from a file cabin labeled 'FUN!' Needless to say we were freaked. Zai returned with three large duffel bags, two of which looked loaded with guns and ammo… The most surprising was her outfit, ninja shoes, basic cargo pants, and a Gaara t-shirt. I had been expecting something more…flamboyant. Ray didn't let me down though, her outfit actually scared me when she got back from inside the closet. It consisted of a black t-shirt saying 'THE M-Writer!' and deep purple cargo pants. By themselves it was fine…but the black and purple scarves wrapped around her arms, waist, ankles, and lower face were just plain creepy, especially since she had dark sunglasses that covered half her face too. Did the girl get ANY sun?! Not a single speck of skin was visible!

By the time I'd escorted the two girls (if you can call two psychopathic fangirls girls that is...) to the hokage I had listened to the 'Wolfram Waltz' at least twenty times… Ray needs a life! Anyway…it was the hokage's job to inform the two why they were here.

"We would like Zai to marry Sasuke, and since Ray is here, we'd like her to marry Sai. These two marriages will allow the village to operate more efficiently," Tsunade told them bluntly, not even realizing that she may just have endangered the wellbeing of every person in our dimension…

Silence.

Twitch…

Silence.

"DIE!!!" Zai screamed as she lunged for Tsunade with a…waffle thrower?! It was just then we heard the 'SQUEEEL!!!' from Ray. First we tried, with several casualties, to restrain Zai, but she seemed to know how to counter all of our moves.

Finally Ray sighed and stepped up, "Zai…stop or no improved Waffle Thrower for Christmas." Somehow…this made Zai stop just before she pulled the trigger on Tsunade.

"Whoa…" the two simultaneously spoke, "That was SO reversed."

"So…where IS Sasuke?" Zai asked calmly while Ray sat in the corner humming the 'Wolfram Waltz.'

"The prison of course," Tsunade informed her, shrugging off what had just happened.

"Alrighty then, where are we staying?" Ray questioned, taking out a random map of Konaha from her pocket. The map was WAY to frickin' accurate to be hand-made, yet…the handwriting was so atrocious it had to be handmade… This girl was really starting to scare me as much as Ino...when she's mad!

"I'll take you there…" I sighed out, knowing that Ray would be more then happy to have me as a tour guide.

"Cool," Zai muttered as she followed me out, holding Ray by the arm so she couldn't jump me…

When I showed them the uh…house…they were staying in they were less then pleased.

"My fucking closet is bigger then this hole!" Ray screeched.

"Ray! Your closet is bigger then most mansions!" Zai yelled at her, and thus they began to bicker…and I ran away.

"Wait!" Ray called, catching me by the scruff of my neck…damn she was stronger then she looked... Next thing I know she's got me chained to a wall. "Stay here, we'll be back," she kissed me on the cheek before the two of them ran out the front door with their bags… Damn them….

I waited three damn hours for them to get back...blood covered! I would have asked but they blindfolded me and didn't let me see anything until we were in some new house. This one was much bigger and had way fancier furniture.

"Where are we?" I asked them, noticing them unpacking various weapons and mounting them on the walls.

"Oh, I think the owner's name was Taka-something…not entirely sure though," Zai answered.

"Takami Nomaru, 46, location unknown to authorities as of two hours ago!" Ray cheered out the information.

"And how did you come by getting his house?" I questioned.

"Means and opportunity," they said simultaneously. I went wide-eyed at their answer, they couldn't have… Could they?! Aw crap, this is SO troublesome.

"So are you going to marry Sai and Sasuke?" I changed the subject swiftly, slightly fearful of what they would do.

"Something like that," Zai was the one who answered me, seeing as Ray couldn't stop giggling. I watched them start sharpening and loading their weapons, even programming for some of them, and I wondered what they were planning.

"Bye Shika!" Ray called as she skipped out after Zai. I worked swiftly on the chains and was soon able to follow them.

"My, my, if it isn't Sas-gay," Zai taunted Sasuke as he stood in front of the two crazy girls.

"Who the hell are you?" Sasuke asked them.

"Well, she's your fiancée, lucky you huh? And tomorrow she's going to collect a very tidy life insurance policy I forged," Ray informed him, a malicious glint in her eye as she spoke.

"I do believe its time for me to become an almost-widow…don't you think Ray?" Zai asked her friend, a cheerful tone to her voice. Whatever the hell kind of game they were playing with Sasuke was actually seeming to work, Sasuke was backing away. "Feel the wrath of the Waffle Thrower 2009!!!" Zai yelled as she began firing waffles with hot syrup at Sasuke, each one burning his skin. I looked away at the disgusting sight and when I looked again there was a coffin marked 'Sas-Gay Uchi-HAHA!'

"So…I can I bring it back as a souvenir?!" Ray pleaded, a pout on her face.

"No," Zai let her down…bluntly, "now let's go take care of Sai!" Ray, who had started sobbing, looked cheerful after that… It really scared me how women could change emotions so quickly sometimes…

The next day when Tsunade found both coffins in her office, 'Sas-Gay Uchi-HAHA' and 'Sigh!' Tsunade sent all the ninjas in the village out looking for Zai and Ray. We never found them though, not that anyone wanted to be caught alone with them…

"Well, that was fun!" Zai said as she came back into her own dimension and her friend Ray followed behind her, yawning.

"Fun, but long!" Ray told her friend, walking while dragging her bag behind her towards her room. Then she stopped, a thoughtful look on her face until she spoke again, "Zai…check the closet…"

"Uh…ok…" Zai blinked a few times before walking to the closet in question. Suspenseful music played as Zai creaked the door open.

"Finally! I've been trapped in here for days! With the molesting robot!" Lee cried as he fell out of the closet. The two girls blinked repeatedly, staring down at the bushy haired boy.

"Oh, it's just Lee, and here I thought it was something important!" Ray smiled before walking into her room and closing the door.

"Yeah, whatever, had me open a freakin' closet just for this idiot!" Zai yelled at her friend, jerking a thumb at Lee before walking towards her own room on the floor below.

"Why are they so cruel…?" Lee whispered to himself before curling up in a ball and crying. He really should be running before Ray remembers she doesn't have any souvenirs for her collection…

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